You jokes

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"

SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"

HE: "I'm a butcher."

SHE: "We're through!"

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

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  • One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

    Mom: "No you can't..."

    Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

    lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.

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  • Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

    Repost

    "Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

    Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

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  • Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

    Orphan: What! No! Please no!

    Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!