So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
Son: I love you, Dad.
Dad gets in car and drives away.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Someone is talking about you behind your back, make a run vhaleka.
Someone is talking about you behind your back, make run "vhaleka."
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
What do you call a black person?
Black.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
Hi, I did not get your email address. I sent you a...
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
