You jokes
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.
My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.
Interfischl
Happy
Apple
Tea
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
What do you call an ant with so much power?
A ter-mite.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
Yo mama is so stupid, when she saw on her computer it said "You have 3 cookies," she broke it.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.
You're so short you could be drowned by heavy rains.
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.