Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
You Jokes
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilean.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.
Someone asks a question: Who? Who asked? Boom, you"re done xxx.
What do you call a Chinese boxer?
U lamb chow.
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
What do you call an orphan's selfie?
A family photo.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?
Husband: No, I like after "T"!
It means: the letter "U": you!
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
All-star gay mix
Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole.
Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb.
So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick.
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless man's throat.
The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
