You jokes

Q: What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? A: Magic!

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"

I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The Grim Sweeper.

What did the orphan say to the bowling ball?

"I am orphan!"

"You are bowling ball!"

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.

Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

What do you call an Indian lesbian?

Mingeeta.

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

What do you and orphans have in common?

Nobody loves you.

What do you and Joe Biden have in common?

Nobody loves you or him.

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.