You jokes

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

Are you an orphanage?

Why?

Because I wanna put my kids in you.

What do you call a dead hooker?

It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.

(True story)

One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

You have more chin than brain cells!

People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!

1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.

Ariana Grande, where are you?

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

What did the emo say to the popular kid?

"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?

A: Snowballs.

Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?

It's always someone you know.

You know what a triangle has that women's rights don't? A point.

"Ur Grandma" You think you're funny? Well, sorry, but you're not.

If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.