You jokes

I have 206 bones, but when I see you, I have 207.

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The Grim Sweeper.

What did the orphan say to the bowling ball?

"I am orphan!"

"You are bowling ball!"

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.

Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.

Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

What do you call an Indian lesbian?

Mingeeta.

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

What do you and orphans have in common?

Nobody loves you.

What do you and Joe Biden have in common?

Nobody loves you or him.

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”