You jokes

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

What do you call a Trump Supporter?

A piece of $hit!

Are you bisexual...

Or are you hellosexual?

When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?

Ice Cube.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.