You jokes

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?

An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."

"What is it?" she asked.

"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.

"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.

"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.

"And your final wish?" the genie asked.

"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."

What do you call a Lesbian at a Barbecue? A LGBBQ.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?

Diddler on the Roof.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head?

So she claims to be.

And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*

Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?

Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.