You jokes
Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?
Ground beef.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.
What do you call 6 gay men having a fight?
Rainbow Six Siege
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
What do you call a black man in the dark?
- Nothing.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny.
“Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad.
“Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny, and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother shit in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad fucking his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there with you, But not in the cage, but laughing at you.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.