You jokes
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Hey baba girl, I have balls, you know.
You know boys have balls. Girls have balls, too.
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you want; it won't chase you.
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
So you're saying a penny is worth more than a penny?
That don't make no cents.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.
You know that I drink water, right? I drink water because I am water. Water is water.
What do you call someone with no legs?
Disabled.
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?
"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."