You jokes

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

Son: Dad, I'm gay.

Dad: I support you.

Son: I like you.

Dad: Get out and into my room!

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.

My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

What do you call a surprised Chinese man?

Ho Lee Fuk.

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?

One won't let you down, while the other will.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.

You soak balls, get it?

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.