You jokes
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?
Well, probably their kneecaps.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Like if you love food!
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Keep this shit between you and me."
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.
What do you call a questioning Constanta?
Curious George.
You know the saying "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
Wonderful saying! Horrible way to find out you're adopted! :DD
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Well, you don't have to cry about it, Gary.
When your girlfriend tells you she's a guy: "What, bitch? Naw, hell no!"
What do you call a YouTuber? A virgin.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
like if you know someone that is emo.