Man: Can you be my girlfriend?
Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.
Man: Oh, here's your rope.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
Are you a school? Cause i wanna shoot some kids inside of you
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."
Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."
Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"
you know the phrase "one mans trash is another mans treasure"great phrase,Bad way to find out your adopted
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?
When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?
Were you born on the streets because that’s were most accidents happen
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
