You jokes
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
Did you hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?
Pretty nuts, huh?
Nostalgia hits you like a train.
It's so hard, you can even wake up.
Me: What do you call an orphan?
Friend: Homeless.
What does a gun and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?
What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?
You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
911.
911 who?
You said you would never forget.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
I rate you a 9/11.
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?
Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.
Kid: Why?
Dad: So you won't get bored.
Q: What do you call a blonde with only two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.