How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
You Jokes
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
What do you call a group of emo kids? Suicide squad.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.
What do you call a group of depressed people? The Suicide Squad.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Why did the chicken say to the football guy, "You quarter?"
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.
