You jokes

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

What do you call an Indian with pink hair?

Ghandi floss.

What do you call a group of children who go on strike?

A minor's strike.

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.

When you meet your gf at the family reunion.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.

How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.

What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."

What do you call an Indian? Indiana Jones.

How do you make an emo mad at you?

Cut the rope.

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"