You jokes
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"
The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."
Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.
1, 2 you built like a dork.
3, 4 you got no girl, 4, 5 you're shorter than a remote.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
What do you call a blind German man?
A Nazi.
What do you call a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Cosby?
Predator.
Fam, you weaker than a polar bear!
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?
What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.
What do you call a Chinese millionaire?
Cha ching.
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.
What starts with F and ends with uck? Firetruck, what were you thinking?
Question: What do you say to give a woman from West Virginia a "Nice Compliment"?
Answer: You say to her: "NICE TOOTH!"
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."