Have you seen the new movie "Constipated"?
No, it hasn't come out yet.
You Jokes
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
Have you ever heard of the eye tear?
Me either.
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
Wanna hear a joke? You.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.