You jokes

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Names......

Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.

Do you get what I am trying to poke out?

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

What's the difference between an onion and a baby?

One makes you cry when you cut it up.

What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?

Two Aussie.

Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?

A: Lean meat.

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.

Roll your eyes back, you might find a brain back there.

You are the joke.

Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?

A: A virgin.

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell