What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.
What do you call all down syndromes?
Twins.
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
What did Saskia say to Brandon?
Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"
Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
fuck you biiiiiitch
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Hey, can you hold this for a second?
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
