How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?
You better ketchup!
What do you call a hillbilly girl who's faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
