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What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

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    • Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

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    • So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

    And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

    What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

    The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

    Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

    What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

    A sad news story.

    A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.

    He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

    The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.

    Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"

    I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

    I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"