You jokes
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks?
At home.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.