When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
You Jokes
You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your brother is gay, and so are you.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.