You jokes

Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?

A. A backroom deal.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

A kindergarten teacher asks her students, "Do you know any words that start with P?"

Little Timmy responds with, "Elmo."

What do you call a flooded hospital?

Vegetable soup.

What do you call two Chinese lesbians?

Two can't chew.

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.

Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?

It’s called "Maybe Dick."

What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?

Tug of whore.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

Hey, do you know who Dragon248 is? No, who is he? He's dragging these balls off your face.

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

What do you call lesbian twins?

Lick-A-Likes.

What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.