You jokes

Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"

Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"

Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"

The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

What’s the most played song in Africa?

Have you ever seen the rain?

What’s the best song to play when visiting Africa?

"Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?

A nugget.

What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?

Land ho!

What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?

Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.

Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

What do you call an Irish lesbian?

A Gaelic.

Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

Q: What do you call an angry, bullied Asian kid?

Shoo Ting.

How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?

Use he/him pronouns on him.

What happens after you eat at a combination Chinese-German restaurant?

An hour later, you're hungry—for power!

Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?

I’m gay.

What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?

A whore.

Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"

Friend: "Dagobert Duck."

Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."

Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"

Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"