What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
A green bean.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.
I’m so straight, you could call me a supplementary angle.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
