You jokes
Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!
I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.
I have a heart, alright. I just happen to see a mere hollow shell of one coming from you.
Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
What makes my life so unfair?
You invading it for no apparent reason.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.