You jokes
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
What do you call a Vietnamese antivirus scanner?
An-Thi-cho-rho-na.
Did you know they made a porn site for pirates?
It's called Heavy Arrrrrrg.
How can you tell what kind of emo you are?
By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.
How do you kill a tranny?
Misgender it to death.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
I love your hair today.
How did you get it to come out your nose like that?
What do you call something that eats kids?
An upset mother.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."