You jokes
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
Satan: "Why are you in hell?"
Me: "I threw itching powder on somebody with no arms."
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo.
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
What do you call Liberal Scare Tactics?
A Conservative's Utopia.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?
What do you mean? He doesn't have one.