You jokes
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?
An orphan.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.
You walk inside a building, then you see a blind German, then you call him his name.
Answer: Nazi.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"