What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
What do you call fake noodles?
Impasta!
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
You might find this joke a rib-tickler, but I sure do.
i was going to tell you a joke about paper but it was to TEAR-ABLE. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
