You jokes
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
Trump's cabinet are like panties. Some crawl up your butt, some snap under pressure, and some actually cover your butt when you need them.
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
What do you call a wingless fly?
A walk!
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
I would create an orphan website...
But you need a home page to do that.
(Since somebody stole this joke before) 🤷♀️
I would create an orphan website, but you need a homepage to do that.