Year jokes

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?

'Cause there are twenty of them.

2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

Many years of sex in the dark.

The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"

The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"

xthegamer0 is 35. He grew up with GTA5 and is still playing it today.

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

When did Michael say, "This is it"?

2009.

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.