Year jokes

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.

Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

Play dead, they said.

Wasn't too hard.

I've been dead inside for years.

One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?

Wet 6-year-old balls.

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?

They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.

Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!

Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!

Fans: 😭😭😭

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.