Ya jokes

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.

Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.

Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.

Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.

Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.

Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

I'll really mist ya.

It's ya boy Dixbfloppin!

OK, I hear the chat since you can't email for whatever reason.

Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

What month of the year has 28 days?

Answer: All of them.

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.

She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.

Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?

He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.

Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.

Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.

WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.

I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.

Suck your mum's bum.

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...

Bro, your forehead so big Dakota's forehead seemed small.