Writing jokes
Pulp is a palindrome.
. --... -. -...--.
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."
What is heavy forward but not backward?
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"
Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now, this essay counts as the final grade for the semester. Now do it, or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100, and we'll start reading from there. Do you all understand?
Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today... do we?
Mrs. Lewis: Yes! It is today!
Andrua: It sounds boring, and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way too much instruction.
Mrs. Lewis: Anyway, let's get to work.
56 hours later.
Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your essay. When I call your name, Carl.
Carl: Why me? Yes?
Mrs. Lewis: What did you like about the story, Carl?
Carl: Um... I liked it when... um... um... um... um...
Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's too busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!
Carl: Jeklen, shut up and stop biting your hair.
Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.
Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?
Carl: Well, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so...
Vronica: For real!
Carl: Mhmmm
Mrs. Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!
Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.
Mrs. Lewis: Yes?
Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?
Mrs. Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!
All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!
Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?
Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the boredom!
Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee
Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11... I think...
Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.
Oh sorry... I think.
Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?
All students: That's not a thing!
I never heard of it...
Mrs. Lewis: Well, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer, or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!
Khloe: Why?
Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.
Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?
Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!
Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation? A period. Why? Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Have you heard the joke about the paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...
But it’s quite pointless.
I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.
Spell "I cup."
I C U P
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."
Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."