Workplace jokes

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!

What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?

An inside job.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me what you did?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him, "Where are his parents?"

God, I love working at orphanages!

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?

Me: Word.

I had a job at a banana factory. I got fired because I threw away the bent ones.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."