Work Jokes

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Jack and Jill went up the hill so the can fetch some pee jack fell down and broke his whole body Jill just laughed and didn’t care so now they have a daughter

Pls like this I worked hard on making jokes I even have app that u can see all of my jokes but I am not telling u hehe.

Whats the difference between Economy And Vietnamese??....... Econmy doesn't work

There was a little kid crying in the park today, i askd him where his parents were. Now i realize, man i love my job

Why are people so worked up about 9/11, they were just playing jenga

Orphans dont have Phones,because the Home Button doesnt work

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Wife: looks in the mirror Wife: i look fat can you say something positive husband: at least your eyes work

asians dont believe in santa because they make the toys

I was joking about self harm to my friend and she told me to CUT it out, I couldn't even laugh. When we were at the self checkout she started scanning my arms, I asked her what she was doing she said, ̈Trying to see if it beeps, ya think id get it to work if I scanned your thighs? ̈ I said, ̈Nah bro you'd overload the system if you put it there. ̈

What do orphans and police not have in common

The police can actually go home

I don’t orphans work at dollar tree?cause it’s a family business

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

If you buy two condoms, but your banging a woman, its fine, dont throw it away, just make her transgender. I dunno man, worked for me.

What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy🌌

Why are orphans unable to work at S.C Johnson?

Because it’s a family business.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?

Suicide.

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said “what happened to all the parents?” She sounded so confused so i told her “its only yours kid, they left you on purpose” she cried i felt bad for a second and the thought oh well time to back to my job at the orphanage