Wordplay jokes
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
I’m friends with 25 letters. I don’t know y!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite hobby?
Rolling on ice.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"
Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.
Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
But then why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9 and 11.
Why was Balls afraid of Magic?
Because Magic eight Balls.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.
Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"