Wordplay jokes
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
There are some questionable candies out there, such as:
"All I want is a good Blow Pop."
"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."
"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."
"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."
"Or adopt Three Musketeers."
"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Do you know what SAWCON is?
SAWCON deez nuts.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
Yo mama so ugly that when she watched The Outsiders, they became The Insiders.
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
What do you call an autistic ant? An Evelyn.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?