Word jokes
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What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Cunt.
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!