Word jokes

What is heavy forward but not backward?

"Ton."

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

"Lazy."

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

What is a pirate's favorite element?

Argon.

What kind of bees make milk?

BooBees.

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!