A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
Woman Jokes
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
You blow a kiss up.
Your eyes were bright up your ass.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Bippity Boppity,
Women are property.
