Woke Jokes

A week before Christmas my wife left me, she said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore. On Christmas eve Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "all I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world." On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

I had a dream I was a muffler last night.... I woke up EXHAUSTED 😂😃

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero? He woke up and found out it was true.

This morning I woke up then took a bath with some chocolate mud at first when i turn the damn flossers on. i notice it wasn't water it's was all chocolate mud and now my body is all chocolatly.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife? I woke up Chris breezy

What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid? Reality.

What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common? They both enjoy digging up the past

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad so his dad said yes then he ask what is that and his dad said it a chow chow train the next day he wanted to shower with his mom so she said yes he ask again what is that and she said it was a tunnel with light the same day he wanted to sleep with them and they said yes in the middle of the night he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in

I woke up on the floor this morning ,I think I woke up on the wrong side thou

Had an amazing night with this girl woke up and it was my aunt now I’m inlove

Good Morning! Have a Great Day! #Ijustwokeup

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up my pillow was gone!

There was a man he came home with his friends from the bar and man; was he ever wasted. Their friends made sure to get him home safely the next morning he woke up and found blood all over his night stand he called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.