New Woke Jokes

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife? I woke up Chris breezy

What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid? Reality.

What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common? They both enjoy digging up the past

Unfortunately NASCAR has been cancelled. The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!

Your move, Ron DeSantis.

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed, turns out the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Had an amazing night with this girl woke up and it was my aunt now I’m inlove

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

"My wife is so crazy" said Beatem's McSmasher. "Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch "She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!" "You getting kicked out bro?" "Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor" "Is she one of them woke bitches?"

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When was at the hospital and he woke up he asked the doctor of he was okay.

The doctor said ur all right now.

how did the chinese chicken cross the road?

he WOKed

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

Earnie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Earnie "how did you sleep?" Earnie replied with "I slept amazing I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life." Burt replied with "good to hear, I slept amazing too, I had a dream that I was in heaven surround by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero? He woke up and found out it was true.

Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.

The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.

The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.

In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.