Wizard jokes
What is a dirty minded Harry Potter fan's favorite spell before the deed? Dickus Embigus!
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rowling.
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
How did Voldemort lose his nose?
From uncontrolled Gold Mining!
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?
Hairy Potter.
Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.
What do you call a wizard who uses Ice Magic? A: A Blizzard!