Will jokes

If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?

Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.

Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?

You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

Who knows? Maybe the end of the world will be made in China too.

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.

Demon: Why you sad?

Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?

Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.

Guy: Really? Nice.

Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.

Guy: OoOoOo

Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️

Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?

Demon: No, you're not a ghost.

Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺

Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜

Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?

Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?

Demon: Yup.

Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?

Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱

Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.

Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴‍☠️☠️☠️💀

Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.

It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.

Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.

Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰

Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏

Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓

Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:

This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

What do you call an orphan who likes football?

Because someone will actually give him something.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?