Wife jokes

Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Why are wives also called a housekeeper?

Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"