Why jokes
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Why do French people like to eat snails so much?
They can't stand fast food.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
Memes
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
Why can't the Chinese play baseball? They ate all the bats.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.