Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
*Silence*
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man is is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Knock knock Who's there Fuck Fuck who Fuck off
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
If Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are in a boat and it capsizes, who survives? America.
