When jokes
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
What time is it when you say no to everything? Time to get bored.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
when koga realized the show was named after Inuyasha
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What do you call Tarzan when he swings through the trees backwards?
Nazrat.
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
I hate cereal, lol.
What I say when I eat cereal: "Ewww!"
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.