When jokes
A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.
The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."
"You should tell your parents," I replied back.
The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
When your sister asks you to entertain her, you don't!
You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
When did “yo” mean Hello?
They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.