When jokes
What did President Ford say when he met Betty?
"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."
Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."
Yo mama so fat, when she touched the stairs, it said, "To be continued!"
I said, "Are you half left or half right?"
"Neither! In-between."
"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.
What did the dark man say when he found out he had an erectile dysfunction?
"I can't breed! I can't breed! I can't breed!"
R.I.P. Floyd.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
When do we think the Empire State Building is going to be shot down?
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."
I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.
When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.
What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.
When we take a family photo, you are the background.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.