When jokes

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

What do you call it when an Astartes cum's... torrential downfall?

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!

Yo momma so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the floor cracked up.

Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?

"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"

What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.