When jokes
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over, she created the Grand Canyon.
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
Memes
When i find out
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
Michael saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and asked her why she did that. Mommy said she was a good girl. Michael Joseph Jackson asked, "Can I be a good girl and kiss Santa Claus?" Mommy replied, "When you grow up to be a rich white woman." And now, we know the rest of the story.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?
Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!