When jokes

Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?

A: A cold shoulder.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Gock gock gock ghghghkghlhglhglhk.

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?

"Happynese" (happy knees).

You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.

Joe mama so fat when she weighs herself, the weigh explodes.

I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.

Sam's mum is so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I thought EastEnders finished!

The dear God created the man.

Then he created woman.

When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

What is it called when you have four white people in the car?

Clear windows.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?

Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.