When jokes
Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped, I didn’t laugh, but the floor cracked up.
What does an emo kid say when they wanna hang out?
"Wanna hang?"
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
What happens to teeth when they go in water?
Bro, I dunno, they get wet?
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over, she created the Grand Canyon.
You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"
Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off.
Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?
The grass was tickling his balls.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets an abortion, she can feed the entire country of Africa leftovers.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!