When jokes
Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?
"Wow, Harry!"
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
What do you call Link when he is hurt?
A link to the cast.
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said, “Open yo eyes!”
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!